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天黑黑

2009-10-06T17:11:00.004+11:00

Back to school...

Somehow these three words are haunty and students, well NORMAL students, shun at the sound of it. Technically I wasn't on holidays, it was just that it was a public holiday (Labour Day) yesterday and it added one more day of rest to the regular two day weekend.

It didn't make much of a difference since I always bludge and I know procrastination is not recommended especially when my final exams begin in no more than a month. I am so behind... Wonder if I can ever catch up, but I think the more revision I can do the better even if it means that I might not be able to cover everything because it increases my chances of passing the exams.

Well, I just received Wei Yun's letter from London... my FIRST letter from London yeah! Well good to know that she is pretty much enjoying life there except for the fact that she can't cook. LOL. Am going to reply to her letter soon before she burns her kitchen. But I know I should be studying for my BIOS test tomorrow!!!

Why on earth was tests and exams invented??? But then again, how else would the education institution be able to tell how we're doing as compared to others. And then again comparing ourselves to one other does drive people insane... We should learn to be content with how we're doing as long as we're giving our best shot!

The song that I have chosen for today is a familiar song to a lot of us especially Stefanie Sun's fans and a lot of Singaporeans. 天黑黑 (which in English means Dark Dark Sky) by 孙燕姿 is a very appropriate song to listen especially in these gloomy dark days. I checked the weather forecast for London and Singapore and realised that just like Sydney, there will be rain... lots of rain for the rest of the week. So my dear friends, remember to bring your umbrellas or don't blame me if u become drenched a.k.a 落汤鸡...

But aside from the song being appropriate in the rainy days, there is a stanza that catches my attention and I am sure a lot of you would agree with me.

我走在每天必须面对的分叉路
I am standing on the cross-junction that I have to face daily
我怀念过去单纯美好的幸福
And I miss the innocent beautiful days of happiness
爱总是让人哭让人觉得不满足
Love makes us sad, and feel insufficient
天空很大却看不清楚
Even though the sky is big, we can't see clearly
好孤独
How lonely!

Sometimes we just wished that things was as simple as when we were younger and we wouldn't have to worry so much about our future because we were young enough to say we've still got time but now that the time has come for us to really decide and think about our future, we wished it hasn't come so soon.

I should really go and read up for my BIOS test before I fail it with regrets. Meanwhile I wish all my family and friends the best of luck and the happiness of life!

愛你

2009-09-29T23:36:00.002+10:00

Today in good good mood...

Not that anything special happen but I actually came home and I just completed reading the first book of the Vampire Academy Series... very nice... I like... otherwise I wouldn't finish this book in a whole day... It is so captivating!!!

I remember this song 愛你 by 王心凌 a few years back and I like it every every much. And I think the hyper hyper feeling very suit my emotions right now!

Hoping that everyone would have a happy day like me!

I am so not looking forward to going to Uni tomorrow because I have BIOS lab and I have rat dissection... Pray that I would be able to survive the grotesque images tomorrow!!! Check out my facebook tomorrow if you're interested in such things LOL.

不死心

2009-09-25T23:46:00.004+10:00

郑元畅出首张EP《畅一首歌》了！

The first Taiwan drama that I watched when I came to Sydney which exposed me to all the other Taiwan dramas that doesn't just involve F4, 5566, 183 Club etc was It Started With a Kiss 恶作剧之吻。The main female lead is Ariel Lin 林依晨 and the male lead is Joe Cheng 郑元畅. I remembered when I watched the drama I didn't know anyone except Jiro from Fahrenheit I think. Ariel Lin just recently released her debut album 幸福遇见 and now it's Joe's turn. Joe sang one of the OST for 恶作剧2吻 but I thought it wasn't nice and apparently people think that he is a music idiot... But after listening to the first song of his EP a few times, I realise that it is pretty nice and smoothing for the ears. Here is the song 不死心 where he invited Ariel Lin to star his MV.

Even though the title 不死心 is used in the song for love, but it is also applicable to many other things. Just like Joe, because he didn't give up, now the world has heard his voice and he even got the honour of inviting the top model 林志玲 to dance for his other song...

Today in Chem Lab, we were playing with models.... Even though I still don't know the naming and everything else but I was able to "teach" people some concept and when I was teaching half way the lecturer (the first year chemistry head) was listening in for a bit and he said that I am right! I was so HAPPY!!! I can tackle CHEM... hopefully. So I am not going to give up so easily... I am going to try to study and catch much as much as I can in my studies rather than just wait to crap last minute where I wouldn't get anything.

So today I wanna tell everyone that if you don't give up, one day you'll achieve the goals you set and the world will see it and be happy with you!

Meanwhile enjoy the song!

大家加油！

远在身边

2009-09-24T09:52:00.005+10:00

I am not usually home at 9.53am on a thursday morning. The reason that I am at home and blogging is because I have decided to gig CHEM lecture... I know that I shouldn't be gigging because CHEM is like my weakest of the weakest but I barely absorb anything in class nor pay much attention (the theory is so boring that I am always dozing off) so I figured out that I'll be better off staying home and going to Uni later for my CHEM tutorial and MATH lecture. And luckily I have decided to gig because Sarah just rang me to bring my labcoat for her boyfriend later... If I was going to CHEM I wouldn't be of help would I? LOL.

Just had French toast for breakky, MUM hasn't made it in ages... I don't actually know if it is called French toast but it is bread dipped in egg... I have tried making it a few times, but the taste doesn't seem the same... Feel very loved with the yummy breakky (which was supposed to be my lunch packed away for Uni but since I am not going to Uni that early I can eat it as breakfast and lunch :D )

I think a lot of people must have heard that Sydney was covered in DUST STORM yesterday and I believe a lot of my friends who read this blog would like to hear it first hand from me. The sky was all red at around 6 plus in the morning as my mum knocked my door and said that she'll give me a lift to Uni on the criteria that I've to wake up earlier. I didn't expect that it was going to be a dust storm and since I've set my alarm clock to wake me at 8am (I dun start classes till 10am), I told my mum that I'll get to Uni on my own with Lisa. I was going to laze around on my bed for another 10mins when my alarm rang since we'll be super early and Lisa is coming to my place earlier only because she doesn't want her parents to know that she was gigging classes. BUT I couldn't because the fire alarm in my building decided to be set off by the dust and rang at 8am. The fire alarm wouldn't stop ringing and it annoyed me so much that I quickly prepared to leave. It only stopped 40 mins later which was when I was about to step out of my house... Before I left my house, I took a few photos of the view of the outside.

The moon was very very white with the dust storm sky and the minute I took the photo, the moon disappeared.

Taken from my balcony. You should usually be able to see my Uni building if not for the dust storm.

This is that view above when there is no dust storm... Can see the building in a rectangle? That is my Uni...

Just another photo of the result of the dust storm

Enough of photos, let's continue with my story of yesterday. I then left my house and walked with Lisa to Uni. There was no problem with walking to Uni because the weather was great BUT the dust were blowing everywhere and I think I should have worn a mask... I have a feeling that is a lot of dirt down my throat right now...

I went with Lisa to ASB (Australian School of Business) where she met Joanne and I left soon after for my BIOS lab which starts at 10am. For those who have seen my facebook photos would have known that I dissected a toad yesterday. I think I have too kind a heart because I could bare to dissect the toad but I had to try to do something because I didn't want the demonstrator to think that I was just lazing around. Gladly and thankfully Alex had a really malnutritioned toad which had almost nothing in it, because otherwise he might not have dissected mine OPEN for me... William said he was going to do it for me except he was too obsessed and busy with his FAT toad to bother about me. For more details check out my facebook.

BIOS lab ended one and a half hours earlier and that gave me two hours and a half break before BIOS lecture. I had lunch with Job and William indoors because the dust was so annoying and everytime the wind blew (which was most of the time yesterday) I had to shut my eyes immediately so that the dust wouldn't get into my eyes.

The BIOS lecture was boring and so was the CHEM lecture. Ended at around 5pm ytd. Thinking that my mum would be fetching me at 5pm, I left quickly to the gates and Lisa, as I have guessed rejected the lift as she decided to head home with Joanne. But it turned out that I didn't send out the sms (saved it as draft and forgot to send it) and so my mum didn't come.

I then decided to walk home since I was feeling a little disappointed... I think it is the mood swings that I have due to the hormones activation during my period. I was really HIGH in the day and was walking home hoping that I could just keep walking and keep walking without any aim but eventually I'll have to go home. Had dinner and was in no mood to do anything so I ended up watching an ep of 爱的大作战 hosted by 王仁甫夫妇 and an ep of 娱乐百分百 where 飞轮海came for a bit in the show... Both the variety shows were so funny so I guess my mood was back to normal again... I also watched Gossip Girl Season Three Episode 2 before I went to shower.

After my shower, I was going to do CHEM and watch 爱就宅一起 at the same time because I didn't think that 爱就宅一起 was that captivating but it turned out that I stopped all my writing and watched it full screen. I cried so much yesterday... Even though I always complain that Jiro has acted in too many shows which make me semi lost interest in him, but his every acting piece never seems to disappoint me... And moreover the songs in 爱就宅一起 are so nice...

Okok, I admit, I AM A DRAMA FREAK. Thanks everybody.

I should seriously go do some CHEM before heading to Uni... The song that I've chosen for today is 远在身边 by 周定纬... It is a 插曲from爱就宅一起...

Wishing everyone a happy day!

美麗新世界

2009-09-13T23:33:00.002+10:00

Must have broken my own record for my shower time... I only took 15 mins to shower (including washing my hair + blow dry + comb) because I wanted to beat the clock and blog today before 12am. Today is the last day of my one week midsem break and this midsem break is one of the most memorable breaks I had considering that I'll have one massive meaningful summer vacation in Singapore and Africa this coming Dec-Feb.

I'll start off with today. I reached home at nearly 11pm when I could have been home 5 hours ago. Reason being: I was a SMART ASS and I forgot my keys and my mum was far away in the West and couldn't pick me up till about 10.30pm. But even though I was kindaff "locked-out" I have to be thankful. After my girls' outing today, I caught the bus and alighted three bus-stops earlier to meet Lisa to borrow a Biology textbook and I am seriously thankful that I did, otherwise I would have no idea what I would have done for 5 hours. I met her at about 5pm and we chatted for nearly half an hour and I was about to go when I suddenly remembered that I might have forgotten to transfer the keys from the bag last night. I quickly doubled checked and tripled check and finally concluded that I HAVE forgotten my keys. BUT the lucky thing was that I was with Lisa and so she invited me to her place and I am so so so grateful that I had a roof to be under for the past 5 hours.

She was such a great host that I made me feel really guilty for forgetting my keys. Felt like I was a princess for a while LOL. She gave me water, and heated up my take-away dinner, remembered my tomato sauce, gave me freshly squeezed orange juice and banana for after meal, and most of all she put on one of my favourite dramas of all time - COFFEE PRINCE. This drama is not particularly the best, but it spent my saddest moment with me last year so much that I lost 2 discs and watching it at her place made me feel comfortable and at home.

We had so much fun in the 5 hours talking about almost everything under the universe and I wished I had brought my clothes for sleepover. I think she is the one I have seen the most this midsem break.

Now for the agenda of my whole midsem break... Well more of highlights.

5/09 : I went to the library because some idiot reserved the BIOLOGY textbook I borrowed and so I couldn't renew it and had to return it... stayed in the library for a few hours downloading...

7/09: Baked @ Lisa's... We baked custard cookies (plain & choc) and it had to rain heavily while I was walking back home from her place and yes indeed, I was all drenched.

8/09: Went with Lisa and her clique for YUM-CHA at Chinatown, and we distributed the packed cookies from the day before, made everyone HAPPY and us too, because everyone thinks it was GREAT. Then I joined Deirdre and Alice for K and Korean dinner before heading home... was all red that night. I think it is because of the Lemon Soju, it actually doesn't taste as fantastic.

10/09: Went to Paddy's Market (Chinatown) for grocery shopping and cooked dinner but MUM didn't have a lot.

11/09: Did nothing special but slacked at home but thought of mentioning it because this day meant a lot to a lot of people because of what happened 8 years back...

12/09: Went for dinner with Nicole and Mercedes - the two besties I made when I first came to Sydney... I picked any random shoe while I was walking out and while I was walking to the bus-stop I had a feeling that I was going to regret wearing it and indeed I did because I had blisters on the side of my feet and it hurts.

13/09: Last day of the midsem and I went with Pamela, Deirdre and Ika for lunch at Chinatown and then we went around the city and ended with a fashion show in the fitting room (photos can be seen on my facebook)... I think that I am a good photographer LOL. Anyway the rest of the story was listed right at the beginning of the post.

I have to go and finish off the work that I thought I had more than 5 hours to do but now it is seriously more last minute than last minute.

The song that I have chosen for the whole midsem break and especially today is: 美麗新世界 by S.H.E because it is a happy and hopeful song and I wish all the people I care for in this world a beautiful world everyday!

會長大的幸福

2009-09-06T17:56:00.001+10:00

Today is Australia's Father's Day. This is the worst day to go out because there will definitely be a lot of families celebrating Father's Day and of course I stayed home.

Today means NOTHING to me and neither does the Fathers' Day in June. There is no one in this world for me to call Dad and wish him HAPPY FATHER'S DAY and neither do I have to trouble over what to get for him.

My mum is right, she tells me that she is my dad, and I jokingly said NO and she said of course she is because she is the breadwinner of the family. But I know that a real father is not one who only brings money home to support the family plus my biological dad has never done such a thing. For the countless years that they've been separated, my mum and I has never received a single cent from him and he is bringing up two other boys of someone else's.

I don't hate him. I just wished that he could remember that I am his daughter and I am his only child in this world who shares his genes and DNA. Last year, he suddenly remembered us one day (dramatic but true) after nearly two decades and called us when my mum was in the process of another broken marriage. It was a spiritual boost for me and my mum for whatever we were going through.

He called to say that he was sick and he wanted to meet me when I got back to Singapore at the end of the year. I remembered I secretly teared when I heard he was sick and I could imagine myself pouring out at his funeral (touch wood but it is true that one day we'll all have to go through that stage not that I am cursing him or anything). I didn't end up meeting him the last time I went back because I don't know how to face him, I don't want him to be disappointed at my mum for the size of me even though I am happy the way I am.

But still I have to thank him. Without him, there will be no ME. After so many years, even pass the age of 18 and am legal, I have never once thought of changing my surname. I would not have been brought into this world if not for him. HAPPY FATHER'S DAY, __________! I have no idea how to address him, Dad, Daddy, Pa, Papa or whatsoever. That is probably another reason why I didn't feel comfortable to meet him the last time I was back in Singapore.

Weirdly enough but true, I am curious on what having a father would mean, and how that would change my life. I guess I would not be that strong, I guess I would not have treasured my family and friends as much, and I would trust "love" and marriage more. So to everyone who still has a DAD to celebrate Father's Day with, treasure it!

I know that I am still a lucky child, everyone says that, because I've still got my mum whereas a lot of people in this world may have never seen their parents, or whatsoever. I think I am one of the rare few among my friends (esp my closest friends) who has grown up in an environment with totally no DAD, that also explains why I don't know how to interact with the opposite sex because there is no one to tell me how. I am not complaining or anything, I know that this is LIFE. And may everyone reading this post think about the things your dad has done for you and thank him for it because it is not by law that it is done.

The song I've chosen for today has nothing much to do with father, but the title itself 會長大的幸福 inspired me. 會長大的幸福 by TANK in English means, "happiness that will grow up". It just felt very appropriate for me for today.

獨家快樂

2009-09-03T10:47:00.002+10:00

Life feels so great!

Never thought I'll actually say this but it is so true. Yesterday 2nd Sept, I slept in ages for the first time before the 12am mark and I can actually use "tomorrow morning" to refer to when I wake up. I slept at 11am last night and woke up at 9plus this morning... it feels great to be able to sleep for 10 hours, but I did wake up at 7plus probably thinking that I'll be late to school. I am actually not meant to be home now but I decided to skip the 10am CHEM lecture this morning and just go to my chem tut and math lecture later which doesn't start till 1pm.

Waking up this morning I made myself instant noodles with egg and also a glass of Ribena which I don't personally like but still it tasted nice... I guess that's what they mean by when you're happy, everything changes. But I love the way it is. I am now sitting in front of my television watching Itazura na Kiss (the anime version of 恶作剧之吻)... It seriously felt like a long time since I last sat in front of a TV to watch something rather than on my computer.

Yesterday night at around 10plus there was a sudden blackout and everything went off, which is also one of the things that turn me to bed rather than re-switch on my computer and surf the net or whatsoever. The sudden blackness scared me for a while but I know that I shouldn't have to worry for too long since the light came back shortly after. But what made me really think is that what if my life suddenly became all pitched dark (e.g. lost of sight etc), then I should be really lost and helpless in my life.

While watching Itazura na Kiss, a thought suddenly striked my mind - love is beautiful in its own way. The female lead crushes the male lead but the male lead expresses no interest in her. Fate brought them to live together and even though the male lead is still very unpleasant to the female lead, but I know that being able to be that closed-up with the male lead is the best thing that can ever happen to the female lead's life. Anyway I should probably resume watching the anime and start preparing to go to Uni, here is the song that I have chosen for today - 獨家快樂 by 卓文萱. Wishing everyone a HAPPY DAY ahead!

2009-08-31T22:00:00.003+10:00

I set my alarm this morning to wake me up at 8am but I kept it ringing for another 20 minutes because I barely stretched myself up from bed. Lisa's wake up sms came on time at 8.30am and it really feels good to have friends who really care for you and who would do things unconditionally for you. I started my day with half an hour of YOGA, it was meant to be longer but I decided not to continue doing it in case I was doing it wrong since it has been a while since I last did YOGA. I walked to the convenience store downstairs and got myself a bottle of Orange & Mango Juice and had good breakfast. While eating my breakfast, I watched 娱乐@亚洲, where the host was interviewing 林依晨 Ariel Lin. During the interview, they mentioned a book called "Tuesdays with Morrie" and I really really wanna read it... Hopefully I'll find the book.

I didn't get much studying done before I left my house at 2pm and headed to Uni. It feels both weird yet great to be reaching Uni past twelve and having sufficient time for lunch at home before going to Uni. The anatomy revision lab started at 2.30pm and throughout the two hours and a half, it made me realise just how little I know and how unprepared I am for the anatomy spot test tomorrow. I AM FREAKING OUT!

After the revision lab, I walked home with Lisa and we went to do the weekly chemistry computer assignment. I guess I just needed some distractions away from ANATOMY. On the way home we chatted a lot as usual and indeed even though we have only not seen each other since thursday, we've still got lots and lots of crap to talk about, lol. When I was having dinner, Wee Fong called. Talking to her seem so frequent nowadays that I don't feel that we are miles apart. I feel like we are still really attached to each other and that we know the most recent updates with each other's life.

I really appreciate that I have friends around me. After updating my status on Facebook about my helplessness due to anatomy, it gets flooded with comments for me to JIAYOU and put my best effort in for tomorrow. It is now past 10pm and I am really really gonna start mugging for my anatomy test and pray that God will see me through the rest.

The song that I've decided to pick for today is Won't Give Up by 5566. Not only because I am using it to encourage myself not to give up, but I would also like to dedicate this song as a thank you to all my friends out there who care for me and have never give up on me.

I won't give up

Take my hand

因为有你的爱当我的信念
Because of your love, I'll have faith
梦再远也要追
No matter how far the dreams are, I'll persue it
不管前方暗藏着多少危险
No matter how dangerous the future seems to be
一定是蓝天
I believe that the sky will still beautiful and clear blue.

感激遇到你

2009-08-30T22:43:00.004+10:00

Had to change my blogskin today because the images to the previous blogskin doesn't really work and as a perfectionist I decided to change one, even though this is not the right time to. I am supposed to be revising for my 25% worth Anatomy Spot Test on Tuesday but I am here changing my blogskin... I seriously have to start quitting procrasination.

I choose this blogskin because I was re-watching 野蠻奶奶大戰戈師奶 again (I have already lost count of the number of times I re-watched drama due to total laziness) and I found out that I really like Bosco and Myolie on TV. This could also be the reason why I choose the song 感激遇到你, a duet sang by Bosco Wong and Myolie Wu today.

感激遇到你 in English means "thankful for meeting you". Actually this doesn't just apply to lovers, it also applies to friends. Friends are family that we choose for ourselves and our best girlfriends are the sisters God forgot to give us. I also choose this blogskin as a blissful wishing to all my girlfriends who are currently attached because my girlfriend who was asked out by the guy in my previous blog post has officially agreed to be his girlfriend and there goes another couple. I can't say that I do not envy my friends who are attached and I dare not say that mine would come, but I am happy that they have found someone who will love and care for them as if they're each other's everything... All the love relationships within my friends all seem smooth-going and I sincerely hope that their love is everlasting even though I personally don't believe so.
I should really get back to revising for my anatomy... wonder why there are so many names to learn and I can hardly get the names into my head!!! Why must they be named after some Latin words??? Don't they know that more than half of the people learning anatomy doesn't know Latin like me? Fine, I should stop complaining and do my best in revising!

Last but not the least, I was just browsing through LiangYu's blog when I came across the following... It is written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 44 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:"
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step...
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
27. Forgive everyone everything.
28. What other people think of you is none of your business.
29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
32. Believe in miracles.
33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
35. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
36. Your children get only one childhood.
37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
41. The best is yet to come.
42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
43. Yield.
44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Hopefully everyone would find life a pleasant gift and know that we're a gift to others around us.

迷宫

2009-08-29T00:47:00.002+10:00

I am suddenly falling in love with the song 迷宫 by 七朵花. 迷宫 in English means "maze". I am sure some time in life we'll be trapped by the unknown future or bounded by the limitations of uncertainity but I think that's why life is beautiful. Life is beautiful because we can take the next step without knowing what might happen. In a way, life is beautiful because it is mysterious. Life is a maze so is love.

迷宫 is actually a love song, and I am guessing that I am just a little jealous and happy of course that more and more people around me are finding the love of their life... One of my friends just told me that a guy asked her out. I think she is really really excited about it... and one of my other friend went her with her used-to-like guy to the movies (Final Destination was a great choice!) and it seems that the used-to feeling has reverted to current, present, existing love...

26th Aug 2009 was the annual Chinese Valentine's day otherwise known as 七夕情人节。I find the legend very romantic as it speaks of a pair of lovers who can only reunite once a year and that's the seventh day of the seventh month of the lunar calendar. I hereby wanna wish everyone who has a lover to treasure their loved ones and for those who don't that you'll eventually find the right one in your life.

爱你我像个小偷
Loving You I feel like a thief

我不要自己一个人
I don't want to be alone

去面对未知的迷宫
when I enter the unknown maze

眼看着幸福就在前头却无法到手
Happiness is right in front and yet I can't hold it in my hands

不要自己一个人无助的盲目去摸索
I don't want to be helplessly exploring on my own

我可以装做不懂
I can pretend I don't know that

你不爱我
You don't love me

星晴

2009-08-22T15:16:00.003+10:00

The song I choose for today is 星晴 by 周杰伦... not because it suits my 心情but because when I was talking to Wee Fong through MSN today, she played this song on the guitar and sang it for me even though she is feeling sick. When she was playing the song, tears uncontrollably rolled down my cheeks, not because the song is particularly touching, but because I am thankful that I have such a great friend who would go to heights just for me.

At noon today, my mother demanded me not to go for the Fahrenheit concert when they come to Sydney because she thinks that if I am asking for people to sponsor my Africa trip then I shouldn't be wasting money on the concert... But but... I am not going to buy the most expensive ticket anyway, I just want to go to the concert and feel their presence... and I am paying my own not like I am asking her for money to buy the concert tickets... Can't I be happy and live my life to the fullest??? (touch wood) Just in case I die in Africa, I wouldn't have any regrets I guess...

At this point, I just really wanna scream to Wee Fong and tell her how much I love her... she is playing songs on the guitar for me RIGHT NOW and I really should tell her to stop playing and rest her throat but... I am selfish, and I really LOVE the feeling of her playing songs for me and accompanying my emo afternoon. And I think she should stop apologising for playing it wrong because the chords/melody doesn't really matter, it is the fact that she is playing it for me that I am very grateful for.

I think God has given me a lot of friends because He has given me an incomplete family... a whole life with no one to call DAD... a whole life of not being able to celebrate FATHER's DAY... Apparently Father's Day is approaching soon... wished there was someone for me to buy a father's day present for... I know a lot of people will say that I should buy something for my mum, but no matter how many great things she has given me, she can never replace a FATHER in my life...

明天

2009-08-17T22:09:00.005+10:00

I finally found my favourite day of the week in semester two - MONDAY. I used to like Thursday in semester one I think, because it is like my Friday and it welcomes me to my three day weekend. Thursday was my longest day, I start at 9am and I end at 9pm because I used to do JAP night classes which I have stopped for this semester as night classes deprive me of and concentration on my work and rest.

Monday this semester is also my longest day out of all because it is the only day I start at 9am and I end at 5pm but technically I don't leave Uni till 6pm.

Lisa and I bus-ed to UNI today and in anatomy we were learning about the nervous system, the neurons etc. Sarah was the latest to arrive and she shock us with a guy companion. His name is Chris, and we all think that they look cute together and they might as well just hold hands and announce taken. After which was BIOS and it was boring but I kept myself occupied with Sudoku and messaging. I had lunch with Lisa, Vivian, Abigail and William today. We had a lot of laughters during the two hour break. Deirdre came up to the Upper Campus to join me for lunch, well probably because she can't find Ashley lol.

After the lunch break, we had Chemistry. The lecture was overall boring but it ended with a demonstrative experiment of explosives so it wasn't that bad after all and it saved William's life because he said that there would be an experiment and brought along Lisa, Vivian and Abigail who didn't really wanna go except for the explosives.

That made us pretty late for MATH lecture. We're learning about Probability and we would for a while. It actually captivated me today. The only bit I seem to miss was the Bayes' Rule towards the end, it could be that he lost me due to the "symbols" he was using or just because I can't concentrate during the last few minutes of class.

During our little break, Wendy broke the news to William and I that her boyfriend's best friend passed away yesterday night as she explained to us why she didn't attend her chemistry lecture. At that point, it suddenly reminded me that life is very fragile and we're vulnerable to death in many ways. This is one of the reasons why I choose the song "明天 by 林俊傑"...

This song is not particulary my favourite in terms of the melody but there are two particular lines that I thought suits my thoughts for the day:
我的人生追求绝对的感受
世界走到尽头还有一些收获
I guess we all know that we should treasure everyday like it is our last because we have no idea when our last day is ever going to come. Our high morality rates does not necessary guarantee that we'll live till old age and then die. Anything can happen, anytime, to anyone. Life is not produced with gurantee, it is made of risks and opportunities. I personally think that I really love my life because I make the best out of what I can in terms of making myself happy, if eating an icecream makes me happy, then it means I'll get an icecream.

Maybe we never thought that the person sitting beside us today in the lecture theatre may no longer be there tomorrow... maybe we never thought that the person who just called/messaged us may not call/text again... maybe we never thought that we might not have tomorrow... so that's the other reason why I choose the song 明天... My grandaunt was right when she said 明日复明日, which in English means tomorrow repeats itself/it never ends... There is a tomorrow everyday and so we tend to have the habit to leave things till tomorrow, but why have we never thought of doing it immediately or TODAY and not TOMORROW... TOMORROW is actually a kind of regret because as I have said, Anything can happen, anytime, to anyone! So maybe today you'll like to tell your parents that you love them, tell your siblings that you're thankful they're here and tell your friends you treasure their existence before everything becomes too late.

DEATH is not far for everyone, it is not a distance, it is everybody's destination.

Make A Wish

2009-08-10T18:47:00.002+10:00

The song I have chosen for today is "Make a Wish" by 仔仔周渝民... This is a pretty old song and that is also one of the reason that I have chosen this song. I remember that when I heard this song it was on the radio and I recorded it on a cassette tape to listen to it over and over again with other songs I enjoy... Memories... Memories... Actually 仔仔also reminds me of one of my primary school friends Esther. I used to think that she looked like him, maybe it was just her hairstyle then, but ever since she entered secondary school, that thought totally disappeared. She is very pretty now and that also brings me to the fact that people do change and people can often change for the good. I think it is just how you see it.

The main reason that I choose this song is because I had a good day. I had a good day because I didn't really start the day hoping it was good. My mum dropped me off at lower campus and I had to climb up those stairs (those flight of stairs are great for preparation for climbing the Great Wall of China) to get to the furthest end of the upper campus. Anatomy was the first lesson of the day and we learnt about muscles. The six of us would usually sit together and as usual, William and I was the earliest to reach. We saved seats and the rest of the four of them had to come in one at a time, late, and so I had to stand up 4 times for them to all get into their seats. After anatomy was BIOS... While walking to BIOS, I was talking to Rahul. He has such a unique background... He is born in India, looks like an Indian but had to give up his Indian citizenship when he was like 12 or something when he applied for the Australian citizenship. He lived in Hong Kong for a couple of years (a decade rather) and is a PR of HK. He took his A Levels in Hong Kong before coming to UNSW and studying Medical Science, which is also the reason why I knew him. We had a pretty good chat and I was quite amused by his background. BIOS was alright, more about sex than anything else but still I was awake.

I had a two hour break after BIOS and I called Deirdre. It has been like nearly 1 and 1/2 weeks since I last saw her and so we had lunch together. She was nice and came up to the upper campus because I told her that I do not wish to walk up those flight of stairs again. She went off at around 12pm and I headed to the library hoping to get some downloading then. I didn't get much done eventually cos 1) Wendy tripped over my adaptor and I had to switch off my laptop to save battery and 2) She has got most of the episodes I needed and so I practically didn't need to download. CHEM was rather average, I was trying hard to keep awake.

We headed down to the lower campus after CHEM and went to the upper level of the PHYSICS theatre for the MATH lecture (so we will not have to pay attention to the lecture nor distract others) and I was working on my MATH assignment half the time. I think I managed to figure out the bits I didn't understand yesterday. It was also in that lecture that I told William that the other William that we know share the same birthday as him. LOL, he was so freaked out and we made up stories like mayber the other William was his twin brother or something. The MATH lecture ended 1/2hr before scheduled and I walked with William and Wendy to 85Degrees Cafe to get bread (I was hungry and there was time). I didn't eat much actually... I got Snow Milk (which was practically butter bread with cream and milk) and shared it with William. I decided to give half to William because he was nice and carried my laptop for me twice (very gentleman) without complaints first from upper campus to lower campus after CHEM and second time when we walked to the cafe.

I was quite on time to get back to Uni for my MATH lab(computer lab). Zach was nice and he saved a seat for me. Being like the only person that knew each other in that particular lab was nice because we would help each other out. He seems to have these magic fingers with R and could always seem to produce results I can't. During the lab, Lisa called me and said she was done with her BIOT lab 1 hr and 15mins earlier. We were planning to walk home together and apparently I was meant to be the one waiting one hour for her but she ended earlier and had to wait for me. I completed the lab with much satisfactory because I figured out (or rather Zach helped me to) about the MATH assignment due next monday. Lisa and I was walking out when we met Connie (it has been weeks since I last saw Connie). We then turned back to the CHEM computer lab and Lisa helped me with my weekly computer assignment. The weekly chemistry assignment is like this highlight of the week because everyone would want to get it right so they can get the final 10% from it at the end of the semester. I managed to get the full marks in one go, thanks to Lisa, and I even understood the concept. Saw Rahul in the lab and we shared some laughters before Lisa and I finally started our journey home.

On the way home, we got ourselves a GOLDEN GAYTIME icecream each. We have so much fun walking home together (about 1/2 hr to my house and another 15 mins for her but the journey is always longer though it feels shorter when we're together) that no one would believe that we only know each other for not even 3 weeks.

I am thankful to God that He has given so many great friends to me in my life, whether in Singapore or Australia. I have a lot of fun time and I can say that I spend my days usually in smiles and that is why I choose "Make a Wish" as the song of the day. It not only reminds me of my childhood days, I also want to Make a Wish for all my friends to be able to experience life just like me. I don't know if people will find it proud or something, but I LOVE myself and I LOVE everyone who makes me ME including my Family, my Friends and GOD. Without these wonderful people, I will not be who I am today. So hopefully you will like this song and that my wish will come through for everyone I love to love themselves and the people around them. Life is brighter than we thought it is!

I was watching this MV and I realise that the female lead is Ariel Lin 林依晨... Even though this MV makes it look like it is someone making a wish for love, but actually it isn't just for love, the chorus is emphasizing the faith in one's dreams. May everyone's sweet dreams come true!

When you make a wish,
make a wish
闭上眼睛让往事空寂
Make a wish,make a wish.
你会听见真诚的回应
让我们make a wish,make a wish.
鄙弃约定看最美风景
这一切都不会是梦境。

What Do You See?

2009-08-09T13:37:00.000+10:00

Today is the official opening of this blog in which I named smilealways.com. The theme of the blogskin fits in every well with that and that was also the reason why I choose this blogskin over others.

Today is also the 44th birthday of Singapore my homeland. This is the 4th year that I haven't been able to celebrate Singapore National Day. Without Singapore, I will not be who I am today, I will not have the mum I have, I would not have the friends I still hold dearly to my heart and I would just not be the same person as I am right now.

The song that I've chosen for today is the national day theme song of 2009 "What do you see?" I personally prefer the chinese version of the theme song 就在这里 because it seems to make me feel closer to home. But to be honest, I like the past years' theme songs over this year's, and out of all, my two favourites are "Reach out for the stars" [theme song 2005, the last National Day I had in Singapore] and "Home" by Kit Chen which was the theme song of 2004.

In less than two days, most of the friends I know would be entering a different phrase in their life - University - a phrase that I embraced five months before they did. A lot of them are very excited for this new chapter in their life and others are becoming worried. No matter how they are feeling towards entering University, I would hereby like to wish them the best and to cast away all the fears as God will always be in control and He will know which path suits us more.

Time surely flies! Most of the friends that will be entering University are friends I made in Secondary School and also the last stage where I made friends in Singapore... so to me, they are never old friends... they are forever friends. Everytime I return to Singapore, I never fail to meet up with them and each meet up always brings back the warmth of our friendships. I am thankful that I was born in Singapore and I always will be proud to say that I am a Singaporean even though I am also an Australian.

My life has taken a lot of different turns and even though it is drastically different to many others that I have known, I know that there must be a purpose for me that I am not where I was born and breed. Today I wish my twin friends, Valerie and Vanessa and also the two Williams that I know HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Whenever I am feeling low
I look around me and I know
There's a place that will stay within me
Wherever I may choose to go
I will always recall the city
Know every street and shore
Sail down the river which brings us life
Winding through my Singapore

Chorus:
This is home truly, where I know I must be
Where my dreams wait for me, where that river always flows
This is home surely, as my senses tell me
This is where I won't be alone, for this is where I know it's home

When there are troubles to go through
We'll find a way to start anew
There is comfort in the knowledge
That home's about its people too
So we'll build our dreams together
Just like we've done before
Just like the river which brings us life
There'll always be Singapore

Repeat Chorus x2

For this is where I know it's home
For this is where I know I'm home

纪念品

2009-08-03T12:10:00.003+10:00

The first song I have chosen to start my blog with is 纪念品 by Hey Girl. 纪念品 means a memorial gift and I am sure there is at least one memorial gift that each of us hold dearest to our hearts. And often, we have many many memorial gifts that we eventually forget its existence.

This song by Hey Girl is more of a story about a girl who is very nice to this guy but this guy that she likes likes somebody else. I believe that love relationships can be the most amazing relationships in the world. How can two people with no connections (not siblings who live together, not family who share the same blood) love each other so much even so to die for the one that they love dearly? But love relationships are not given to everyone in the world when they're born. We live to search for the right one in our life.

A lot of my Singapore friends would soon be entering University life where they study to prepare themselves for their career, and their bright future. Having schooled in Australia, I got into University about half a year before they do. I think University in Singapore seems very interesting because they get orientation camps, hall camps, etc. I am not sure if University is going to be for them what it has been for me. I have pretty much enjoyed University. To me, Uni life is like a transition from a girl into a woman. For the past twelve years of my schooling, my mum has always believed that an all girls' environment is better and safer for me. And true too, because of such a schooling environment, I have met so many great girlfriends and best friends who still mean so much to me regardless of the physical distance that separates us.

I admit that coming to University has been very distracting for me. It feels like I am being thrown into a totally strange environment. Well of course that has been guys that attracted me, that is a good fact to know, because it means I am normal. But reality also reminds me that I am not like the others, I don't deserve as much love as the others do. This is the point in my life where my friends around me are all starting to have girlfriends/boyfriends. They might eventually get married. And in fact one of my course mates is engaged and getting married next year. Would I have to end up attending weddings single or would I be the one that brings my kids and family to my friend's wedding? I am probably more of the former than latter.

A lot of people are probably going to say to me that I shouldn't be silly and I should believe that one day my love will come, but because it hasn't happened, it is hard to dream even. Today I dedicate this song to all out there who is waiting for the love of their life and may they meanwhile treasure the people around them.

P.S. Today's video doesn't match the song. It just has the lyrics which I find pretty meaningful.

“眼泪是我爱情的纪念品”